The Odd Broad

The lunch date

I walked into work this morning in a kind of reverie, a love haze, if you will. I was thinking about my baby.

He'd been sleeping in bed with Hubby and me the night before, and I'd spent a good deal of the early morning just watching him, in all his glorious baby perfection.  I watch as he rolls onto his side and curls his little fists up to his chest, resting them under his chin.  It's exactly the same way I sleep.  I wonder what he dreams about.

I'm truly in awe of this little soul.  How is it possible he is six months old tomorrow?

My morning passes quickly.  My work days fly by fast since I've been back full time, which is probably a blessing.  Hubby stays home with William during the day and works nights and weekends.  It's true we're often two sleepy ships passing each other in the night, each one working when the other is not, but this situation was literally an answer to my prayers.  (Seriously, Mary is my homegirl.)

Hubby calls me around 11:00 am.  "Do you think it would be okay if I dropped Will off with you on your lunch hour?"  My heart does a happy little dance.  Of course it's okay.

W is sleeping when they arrive.  Hubby pulls him out of his carseat and places him carefully into his stroller.  He gives me a quick smooch and he's off to pick something up at work. When my baby opens his enormous blue eyes, it's my face he sees.

"Hi, my baby boy!"  I say, and watch as his face breaks into one of his giant, million dollar grins.  We walk down Newbury Street into the Public Garden, where I point out birdies, ducks, swans, doggies, and give him a close-up look at the Make Way For Ducklings statues. 

Later, as we wait for Hubby to return, I pull W out of his stroller and hold him close.  It's always windy by Copley Square, so I snuggle him even closer and breathe in his sweet baby smell.  I start to quietly sing:

Why are there so many songs about rainbows

and what's on the other side?

Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,

and rainbows have nothing to hide.

So we've been told, and some choose to believe it-

I know they're wrong, wait and see.

Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,

The lovers, the dreamers and me.

We're standing outside, surrounded by the sounds of buses, taxis and cars.  There are plenty of business types swirling about, smoking or talking on cell phones, but as far as I'm concerned there is nobody around but my baby and me.  Time stands still for a moment and I realize I'm perfectly happy.  I'm happy deep down to the bottom of my Payless flats.

All of us under its spell...

We know that it's probably magic...

I don't care who hears me singing.  I don't even care that I have to head back into work in a few minutes.  Something inside my heart shifts, and for some reason I know everything is really going to be okay.  I won't always have to be away from William for 10 hour stretches, we won't always be in debt up to our eyebrows, or live in such a crappy neighborhood.  Our future is only as bright as I can envision it.   And our present is pretty magnificent as it is.

I'm going to teach William to believe in the power of his dreams.  He's my dream come true, so it's the least I can do for him. 

What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing?

And what do we think we might see?

Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,

The lovers, the dreamers, and me...

xoxo

 

Thanks Mom

I had a revelation the other day, a sort of A-Ha! moment, and I called my mother to tell her.  I'm always calling to tell her about something or other.  I've even had dreams in which I've needed to reach her, to tell her some story.  (Sissy thinks we have co-dependency issues, but that's neither here nor there.) 

"So Ma," I begin, "I think I just realized something.  The way I feel about William, is that the way you feel about...me?"

"Well, ya!  Of course."  She seemed amused at my discovery.

"Still?  You still love me that much?  Like, in the crazy way that I love him?"

"Yeah!  I mean, some of that overwhelming awe sort of fades a little, but yes, the way you feel about Will is exactly how I feel about you, of course." 

And suddenly I saw things so clearly.  All of the times she pushed me, or challenged me, or called me on something when I was acting like an asshole or not living up to my potential...all of those times when I'd wake her up in the middle of the night to come and sleep in my bed, when she was probably exhausted from being on her feet at work all day...every rehearsal she schlepped me to, every voice lesson she sat through, the time she drove Hubby and me to New York to get us our first apartment when nobody would rent to us, and the day she moved us in, a few weeks later, even though she was probably terrified to leave me there...

I finally really get why she did it.  I finally get why she still does all the things she does.  When I think she's being a pain in the ass, or has no right to act like such a buttinski, in reality she's just doing it because she feels compelled to.  Because she loves me as fiercely and deeply as I love my baby boy, regardless of how old I've gotten.  It's as simple and as complicated as that.

"Oh.  Thanks, Mama." I tell her.

It's funny the things William is helping me to discover.  I have a feeling he's going to teach me a lot more than I'll ever teach him.

Soyfully yours

In addition to having been abstaining from dairy for the past several months, my bambino's pediatrician recently suggested I go off soy. 

"Oh, I don't even eat soy," I explained to her, "Maybe one time last month I ate a soy yogurt, but that's pretty much it."

How naive I was.  Soy is in everything!  Did you know this, Dear Reader?  I didn't, until I began reading the labels of foods I certainly never suspected would contain it.  Amazingly, soy can be an ingredient in anything from bread, to crackers, to cereals, to marinara sauce, to salad dressing, to chewing gum! 

It's a little dist-soy-bing.

Incidentally, have you ever attempted to purchase bread that doesn't contain soy or dairy?  It ain't an easy task.  Just for shits and giggles, try finding one that doesn't contain high fructose corn syrup.  That'll be fifteen minutes of your life you'll never get back.

Yes, I'm the crazy lady next to you at Stop & Shop who's checking all the labels, shaking her head and muttering filthy obscenities under her breath.  (It's me!  How's my hair?)

Happily, my baby's tummy troubles have greatly subsided since I've given up soy, so I'm going to definitely keep avoiding it, along with anything made from cow's milk.  Physically, I feel fantastic, and aside from those annoying "you poor thing" (or "what the hell is wrong with you?!") looks I get when someone hears I'm not eating soy or dairy, I really don't consider it too huge a sacrifice.  The fact that I'm doing it for my little sweetie pie also takes the sting out of it.  Heck, I'm a working mom; being able to provide my babe with mama milk while I'm gone all day is sacred to me. 

Sure, it's a definite challenge to find products I can actually eat, but Trader Joe's and Whole Foods have some nice options for dairy and soy free stuff.  Larabars are great, and Trader Joe's makes a really tasty chocolate ice cream made with coconut milk.  (Hubby thinks it tastes like a Mounds bar.  Of course...he hates Mounds bars.)  Udi's breads and bagels are pricey, but they're awfully convenient. 

Still, it's a little irritating that soy lecithin is used as a cheap filler in such a shockingly large amount of everyday food items.  Like, what gives?

I'm not usually one to speculate about conspiracy theories, but I can't help but wonder if big business and the government aren't somewhere sipping bubbly in a heart-shaped jacuzzi together when it comes to this rotater crop.  Seriously, the next time you go to the grocery store, check out some of the labels.  Or better yet, go look in your refrigerator and kitchen cabinets.  It might make for a fun drinking game: Drink until you find something that doesn't contain soy!

Can you find anything?  I think you may be surprised.