I'm pregnant, don't make me dropkick you

An update on my downstairs neighbor, whom I initially suspected might give my old landlord (Smeagol, of Lord of the Rings fame) a run for his money.  It looks as if my instincts were correct!

For one thing, he continues to insist on leaving the door unlocked and open to accommodate the three morbidly obese stray cats who come and go at their leisure.  (Hubby went into the basement last week and left with flea bites all over his legs!)  For another, the fire department has mysteriously issued us an "Abatement Order" because our gas grill is a fire code violation.  Failure to comply will result in court action.

In case you didn't know: Everyone has a grill in South Boston!  If you were to stand on my back deck and look either left or right, you'd spy intoxicated twenty-somethings and barbecues as far as the eye can see!  Why were we the only ones being targeted?

I smelled a rat.  Obviously it was the meddlesome busybody downstairs.  Who else?  All this happened yesterday, and it was such a downer that I nearly didn't answer when Hubby called for me to come look outside. 

"What is it?" I asked, already not wanting to know the answer.

"Just come outside and look..."

And there, sitting silently on my back deck, I spotted my blooming tomato plant in all its luscious glory.  Only this plant had been the victim of a vicious attack!  The biggest tomato, the one that had been the first to bloom and the source of so much genuine hope and excitement, was now strewn on the chair, with a BITE TAKEN OUT OF IT!!!!

Another tomato, still green and on the vine, had also been nibbled.  Initially we suspected it had to have been a squirrel, and the little shit obviously doesn't even like tomatoes, since he took one bite and then discarded the poor thing.  But then another idea popped into my head: what if it was one of those cats?  Portly though they are, the little buggers can still climb.  We've seen one of them on the highest branch of an enormous tree.

I'd had it.  The grill, the door, the fleas, the tomato...

"If one of those filthy, disgusting cats ate my tomatoes..." I said in a far too loud voice, "I'M CALLING ANIMAL CONTROL!"

Hubby had had enough as well.  The man really hearts grilling.  He sat down and emailed our landlady, and to paraphrase: The basement needs to be fumigated, to get rid of the fleas that are a result of the stray cats who come and go through the unlocked door that the downstairs neighbors insist upon leaving open 24 hours a day.  Ha!  Take THAT, a-hole!

Did I mention the neighbor and the landlady are related?

The landlady never responded to Hubby.  Instead, she forwarded the email to our neighbor, with nary an explanation to Hubby.  "We need to talk," was all the neighbor wrote in his reply.

Is it me?  Or are these people completely frigging fracking insane?  And why is it always us?  Why does everyone else on the block have grills?  (And potentially flealess basements?)

To make a long story even longer, Hubby wrote back a curt email of his own, saying only that his wife is pregnant and living in an apartment with fleas just isn't an option.  (He never mentioned the grill business.)  The neighbor wrote back once more, saying he planned on fumigating the place, that the fleas were from his dogs being recently boarded (Huh?), and by the way- congratulations on my being pregnant!

So, sadly, no more grilling for us.  Sigh.  Perhaps Hubby can toss a hunk of meat over to the dude on the next deck over.  ("Hey, man, can you cook this medium rare?")  He called the fire department today and confirmed our suspicion: "someone" had indeed reported us.  He was also told not to empty the propane tank, but not to keep it on the deck, either.  When he asked whether or not he could drop it off at a fire station, the man on the phone answered, "Yeah, I guess; I'm sure one of the guys would be happy to take it home and use it!" 

Again, is it me?  Or are we living in Bizarroland??

        

Comments

[Weinerdog]

Ween, you can buy an electric grill for like $100!
We had one when we had the terrace.

[Jen]

OR, you can get a portable propane grill, use the small tanks and the one w/the popup legs. They are super for camping and portable to tuck away when you're not using them. That way there would be no large white tank w/a sign that says "go to jail" :) Good Luck Prego Broad!

[Keely]

This is absolutely ridiculous. I'm a cat lover, but those fatties have to go. Fleas and ruined tomatoes...putrid!

[the odd broad]

There have been some nice developments over the weekend...my dad came to the rescue and got us an electric outdoor grill! And the neighbor fumigated the basement and is now locking both doors!! No more stray cat hotel! So he either came to his senses because Hubby played the pregnant card...or maybe he reads the blog. ;)