It was Saturday night and Hubby and I had tickets to see Conan O'Brien on his Legally Prohibited From Being Funny on Television Tour!
He put on a great show. Andy was there, and The Masturbating Bear; the Dropkick Murphys even made a surprise appearance. But the real show, folks, was up in the balcony, sitting in row F, seat 6, directly next to yours truly...
That's right, I was seated next to a Bad Laugher.
I suppose everybody has their own unique style of laughing. Some people are silent laughers, some are gigglers, some laugh till they pee, some like to snort. But the man next to me, I can honestly say, possessed THE WORST LAUGH I have ever heard in all my born days. People were craning their necks to get a glimpse of where this foul sound was coming from!
It would have been impressive, had it not been so irritating. This laugh was even more annoying than the one that belonged to Laugher Steve, a guy I worked with on an assembly line back in the summer of '97. It's been years since I've thought about Laugher Steve (who, incidentally, earned his nickname by laughing loudly after every unfunny sentence he uttered).
The dude on Saturday night made Laugher Steve look like an amateur. At first he seemed harmless enough. Granted, I got a whiff of stale beer when he and his lady friend squeezed by us into their seats, each of them double fisting their drinks, but I didn't take proper note of him until something tickled his funny bone.
"AHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, oh my God, oh my God, AHAHAHAHAHA!"
Um...what the f*ck? We've got a live one here.
I feel I should add, Conan hadn't even taken the stage yet! This was merely the opening act we were watching, and not a very funny one at that. The comedian was recording loops of himself singing, which the dingus sitting next to me found unbearably riotous.
This got me to worrying, really worrying, about what the hell was going to happen when Conan actually took the stage? Conan, a man I find so humorous he actually makes my face hurt; how will this person ever withstand the side-splitting hilarity? It was possible the poor thing might spontaneously combust in one final, colossal howl of madness.
HA HA HA! HA HA! HA! And his girlfriend was just as wasted as he was. I'm not a particularly violent woman, but I wanted to stab them both. When there was a brief break in the action, the couple decided to make another beer run. Just what the doctor ordered! Boobs.
Hubby and I pondered our lousy luck at being stuck next to this drunken, wretched mad cackler. I caught the eye of the girl seated next to the Cackler's girlfriend. "What the hell is wrong with that guy?" I asked, which pretty much opened the floodgates for everyone in our vicinity to begin analyzing the Mad Cackler.
The guy behind me spoke up: "At first I hated him; but then I saw how people were reacting to him and I had to laugh." The couple in front of me turned around and rolled their eyes, shaking their heads in helpless commiseration. The girls behind us felt sorry for me because I had to sit beside him. It seemed everyone had taken notice of this fool! He was quite the distraction.
Hubby kept offering to switch seats with me, but somehow just knowing the rest of my neighbors hated this soul as much as I did gave me some comfort. I was able to endure the laughter, even as it emerged at inappropriate moments, at things that weren't even intended to be funny. And then he spilled his Bud Light on me, and Hubby insisted we switch seats. In hindsight this was a good choice, seeing as once the Murphys came on this dude began gyrating and flailing wildly, barely able to even stand. (I pray he didn't drive home.)
After we switched seats, I really enjoyed the show. And since I now had the aisle seat I got a close up look at Conan as he ran by me during the finale. All in all, it was a splendid evening. Hubby even snuck out his Blackberry to get a quick sound bite of the Mad Cackler, seeing as he knew I'd be desperate to share it with you.
Click "play" below to experience the laughter. Please bear in mind that this brief but terrible montage is MILD, and Hubby was seated two seats over, so it's not even especially loud. We weren't able to capture one of his more aggressive howls, because I was too nervous he'd see what we were doing. But anyway, you'll get the drift.
