Stooping it

There's a sort of clique that hangs out on the front stoop leading into my apartment building.  There, they chain smoke, drink beers, and give off an aura of general unpleasantry. 

What is this, Jr. High?  Was detention just dismissed?

Furthermore, if one is going to christen oneself the gatekeeper of the front stoop, one might think about being a bit friendly.  One might even consider oneself a "people person."  Not so with this lot.  I'm thinking of one woman in particular, who lays horizontally across the front steps with her legs stretched out, making it quite impossible to pass unless you choose to step over her.  This broad is surly and sour and her face perpetually looks annoyed.  For such a young person, she's developed a rather impressive chip on her shoulder.  Her little dog is cute, though.

If the steps are occupied by this douchebag, the only other alternative is to take the ramp.  It's a pretty long ramp, that zigzags, and most of the time I just don't feel like using it.  And so I step over her.  Oh yes, I go there.  Here's the real kicker, though: this girl doesn't even live here!

And we mustn't forget the middle aged couple who think they're the coolest kids in town.  Strangely, these two have established quite a following amongst the college set.  They actually moved away the week Hubby and I moved into the building; I can't remember which state they were relocating to, all I knew is they were leaving.  Good riddance!

Only, they're ba-ack!  They're staying about two buildings over.  And yet...they're always in front of my building!  I saw dog lady also coming out of a nearby building not too long ago; can these people not loiter on their own effing stoops?  And could they please throw their empty beer bottles away?  If they want to loiter, fine.  But don't glare at me as I walk up my own goddamn steps. 

On Memorial Day they actually held a barbecue on the damn ramp!  How can they be territorial about a ramp/stoop of an apartment building they don't even reside in?  If it wasn't so odd, I might consider the situation to be very, very sad.

It makes me wax philosophical.  Do I take the steps, for principle's sake, or do I take the ramp?  I spend my entire day on my feet, so a few measly extra steps aren't going to kill me.  And yet, 99 percent of the time I take the stairs.  Dogface barely bothers to move her legs.  What the hell did I ever do to her?

When I encounter people who are inconsiderate to the world at large, I often wonder what motivates them.  What makes these stoop covet-ers tick?

And so I am faced with a moral dilemma.  Glaring at them and yelling, MOVE, please!, isn't really going to make me feel any better.  Though this method may work successfully for a number of people, it's simply not The Odd Broad's style.  Taking the ramp is going to make me feel like a sucker.  Stabbing them is going to land me in prison.  And so I step over them, which can be awkward but certainly produces a statement I can live with.  

Who are these people and where the heck do they come from? 

Comments

[Stacey]

OB... I spent much of the 98-99 school year stooping it...I knew this FANTASTIC girl who enjoyed a good "stoop" from time to time. I'm not a hater... I'm just calling you out.=)

[the odd broad]

You've brought up a good point, my friend- I should really add an addendum. My issue is not with the act of stooping, but really the manner with which these stoopers are stooping it. They're giving stooping a bad name. They must be stopped!

:)

[the odd broad]

PS: We're still waiting on Baby B, huh? So exciting! xoxoxoxo

[Sissy]

I noticed that the artistic interpretation of the douche bag stooper sort of looks like me with long hair...are you sending me a message?

[Weinerdog]

Next time you step over her just kick her.....lightly...."accidentally" of course.

[the odd broad]

Sister, that drawing looks NOTHING like you!! You ah wicked hot!! It's not my best work, but I was getting sleepy. And it does pretty much look like that awful stooper. She's always scowling. Weiner, perhaps I'll try giving her a little "nudge." :)

[Tanya]

hahaha, I believe the stooper looks like me- cigarette in hand and all- terrible habit, I know. I would have been frightened if she had a glass of wine sitting beside her, then I would have wanted my picture copywritten, haha.

[Stacey]

Thank you for the clarification... =) I was just teasing. LOL! Inconsiderate stoopers should just be stopped. I'm right there with you darling. =)

And yes.... goodness... I'm ready for Baby B to get a move on!! I'm a very punctual lady! =)

[the odd broad]

Tanya, you are way too pretty to look anything like that broad! This girl is bad to the bone.

Stacey, I can't wait to see pics of the babe once he finally arrives!! I'm wondering if he'll be a redhead like his mommy??

[Amy]

I think you need to start looking for an apartment that is not surrounded by several colleges.

[the odd broad]

Alas, as long as Hubby is attending one of those colleges, here we shall reside. But honestly, it's not so bad. My walk to work is only 16 minutes! That's been amazing.

But I'd still like to give those surly stoopers a kick in the ass. They're really a rag tag bunch. The couple (the guy looks just like Chris Farley, only not nearly as jolly), is in their mid-fourties, and I'd say the girl with the dog is at least 26. What the? The college kids behave better than these DB's!

[Tanya]

hahaha, Bad to the Bone- that's funny.

[Amy]

I bet it's hard for your "stooper" to move off of the stairs when she only has four toes and an unusually long neck.

[the odd broad]

Hey, I'm no Picasso...

[Amy]

:) I'm bored.

[the odd broad]

LOL- by the time I realized the neck was too long it was too late. I'd have to redo the whole head and I just wasn't going there girlfriend. This girl really does have only four toes, though.

:)

[Amy]

and three knuckles, and while I'm at it, she really needs to see someone different for her eyebrows. :) Two more days my friend.