Picture it: 2002, in the kitchen of a restaurant in Chelsea, New York City. A young Odd Broad had had too much caffeine and remarked to her coworker, in a thick Massachusetts accent, "Jeez, I'm shaking like I've got the DT's!"
This was a phrase my grandmother used to say. Not that she ever had the DT's, of course, she rarely ever drank. I suppose I'd never really thought about the meaning behind it. Either way, my friend certainly didn't find it very amusing.
"Do you know what that means, Sarah?"
Shit. "Um, (pause), sure, isn't it when you shake because you're going through withdrawals from...drinking?"
"Yes, that's exactly what it means. I just wanted to make sure you knew. Sorry, I have a father in the program."
Yikes. If I could have disappeared into the tuna tartar, I would have. I felt bad. Later, I learned that this girl was also in the program. And then I felt very bad.
And I digress. What I really wanted to tell you was that for the next two weeks, Hubby and I are giving up drinking. For what it's worth, that sentence doesn't really sound nice in polite conversation. If you don't believe me, try saying it out loud sometime.
I'm giving up drinking for the next two weeks. Nine inconsequential words, but when linked together in this fashion, it does cause one to wonder:
Why are you giving up drinking for the next two weeks? Do you have some sort of...problem?
Do I? Am I addicted? Is drinking white wine on weeknights...bad? Is wanting to drink bad? Do I need it? Can I stop? Will I get the DT's?
I broached the subject with my mother and sister last Saturday night and the two of them burst into giddy hysterics, right there in the middle of Victoria's Diner. I think what finally set them off was when I told them I thought I should maybe "talk to someone" about my rampant drinking.
"Here we go, now she's an alcoholic!" Reader, they could barely get the words out. There were tears of laughter in their eyes, for crying out loud. Our waiter was trying not to stare.
Not that they're heartless or unconcerned; I guess they just know me all too well. I suppose I can be prone to dramatics; and maybe slightly impressionable with a dash of hypochondria. (I was the type of child who longed for poor eyesight, just so I could wear glasses. I read Go Ask Alice and wondered if I too might turn into a drug addicted hippie living in the late 1960's. When I bought a box of caffeine pills in college, Sissy accused me of trying to become addicted, just to get attention. That sort of thing.)
And so my relatives merely assumed I was being melodramatic, inventing a situation, if you will. But honestly, I do sometimes worry that I may be pickling my liver in Riesling and Sauv blanc! And the idea of having a bit of a detox is definitely an alluring one.
My sister continues to be supportive. "One day at a time," she text messages me. Smart ass. She also called to inform me there's a weekly AA meeting in her neighborhood every Tuesday evening, if I'd like to attend. "Let go and let God," I text back.
It's day four of my recovery now. I'll keep you posted.
Sissy and I just got off the phone hysterically laughing just remembering the conversation at Victoria's diner...of course you know that if I thought you really had a drinking problem I would be right there for you - no more reisling when you visited and we could watch "Days of Wine and Roses" starring Lee Remick and Jack Lemmon...it's the story of a nice couple and how "the drink" ruins them...actually, it's a really good movie...you know, I have known people with drinking problems and it's really a very serious problem and I don't mean to trivalize it, but you're just not one of those people...love, ma
Posted by: Ma | June 12, 2009 at 08:23 AM
However, you were "Class Lush" 4 years running....I believe you won as a write-in on the ballot. Maybe we've all been ignoring your problem. :)
Posted by: Amy | June 12, 2009 at 08:30 AM
I suppose you'll fall off the wagon and relapse soon...HAHAHA!
Posted by: Sissy | June 12, 2009 at 08:34 AM
I guess I should come over and get that wine back...unless you've finished it! Hahahahahaha!
Posted by: Keely | June 12, 2009 at 09:26 AM
Seriously? Detox?
And you call yourself an Anglophile.
Posted by: Weinerdog | June 12, 2009 at 09:57 AM
You are all laughing, but this problem has been ongoing for years! At one point the OB was referred to a counselor after numerous grocery bags filled with empty beer cans were confiscated from her dorm room. She was in denial at the time, saying that it was part of a recycling program, but I think it's great that she is finally coming to terms with her problem. Bravo Odd Broad!
Posted by: Amy | June 12, 2009 at 10:17 AM
Day five now, and I have to say, it's exhilarating! Dr. Drew would be so proud!
Keel, that Riesling is long gone! Because your wino cousin drank it! In my defense, I did ask you to come and claim it, and besides, white wine only stays fresh for up to three days. So really I was drinking it for the greater good.
And Amy, who, pray tell, was my partner in crime during the infamous Dave Ballerdini Christmas dorm room bust? Hmmm? I will never forget the look on his face when he told us we needed "help". Luckily he never found the rest of the bottles- because he was too short to reach them! Poor Baller-weenie.
Posted by: the odd broad | June 12, 2009 at 10:34 AM
Who was buying us all of that alcohol, anyway?
Posted by: the odd broad | June 12, 2009 at 10:38 AM
I'm in the middle of a drink....I'll respond when I'm sober.
Posted by: Amy | June 12, 2009 at 12:22 PM
Life is too short. You are obviously not an alcoholic so if you enjoy your wine then why deprive yourself of it? I think 5 days is enough! (hiccup)
Posted by: Kathleen | June 12, 2009 at 01:12 PM
I think you just want an intervention...maybe Dr. Drew will come.
Posted by: Sissy | June 12, 2009 at 07:03 PM
Day SIX, Sissy! And you thought I'd be drunk last night...
Posted by: the odd broad | June 13, 2009 at 09:39 AM
Well, I do give you a great deal of credit here. I must admit to a glass of wine at least every 3rd day, haha. There's something about sitting outside with a good book, and a bottle- I mean glass of Pinot. I do hope you snap out of this by the weekend :)
Posted by: Tanya | June 16, 2009 at 03:21 PM
Yes, by Friday evening I will definitely be clutching a glass of wine!! It's been a long ten days!! I like my wine, too- which is really funny seeing as we're both born on the same day/same year!!
Posted by: the odd broad | June 17, 2009 at 07:38 PM
You know OddBroad, even though I love living in Sydney (best city on earth - you really should pay a visit one day soon), I WISH I lived in the states so I could meet you and your friends. I was jus p#ssing myself laughing reading their comments “of support” during your time of non-drinking. SO reminds me of my girlfriends! Anyway, good on you. I certainly couldn’t do it. I enjoy my glass of chilled Australian card-onnay (Cath and Kim reference – the Australian version, not the mangled American version *sorry* - not sure if you’ll get it) far too much to ever give it up!
Posted by: Emma from Sydney | June 26, 2009 at 02:49 AM
Hi Emma! Just so you know, "card-onnay" is the only kind my sister and I ever drink! :) We heart Kath and Kim, but only the Aussie version. The American one was a total catastrophe. Such a bummer!
PS: I have fallen off the wagon.
:)
Posted by: the odd broad | June 28, 2009 at 01:53 PM