A case of mistaken identity

Last night Hubby and I went to hear our friend Corey's band play at Church. 

I can be insecure.  I like to think it's part of my charm.  So when a husky, sturdy looking blond woman gave me a dirty look the minute we walked in, my initial thoughts were: Is my dress too short?  Why did I wear these leggings?  etc. and so on.  I had to be imagining it, right?  Because it did seem an awful lot like this woman wanted to...kill me.

Truth was, my outfit actually had very little to do with why she was giving me the evil eye.  She thought I was somebody else, you see.

"Oh, you know her, you know who SHE is," she slurred to the lead singer's girlfriend, who for her part looked absolutely mortified.  There was another woman standing next to them who looked a bit less hostile than blondie, but even more intoxicated.  She was celebrating her 43rd birthday and licked my hand when I put it out for her to shake.  What the?

It was pretty much the filthiest thing a stranger has ever done to me.  After I'd scrubbed up in the bathroom, more drama ensued.  The brawny blond was walking towards us again, saying something malevolent yet unintelligible.  This broad was two times my size and looked like she could do some real damage.   

When I went over to Hubby and informed him that two ginormous ladies wanted to beat me up, he looked at me like I'd lost my mind.  Surely I must be overreacting?  I felt like that old lady in Throw Momma from the train.  ("They're trying to kill me!")

I looked up at my husband with genuinely concerned eyes and reminded him that I don't really ask for much, (that made him chuckle), but at that moment I needed him to protect me from two strapping brutes who for some unknown reason wanted to hurt me. 

I'm not going to lie; I was outsized and a little terrified.  Hubby kept his arm around me for the rest of the evening, but at one point he had to hit up the men's room and warned me to watch my back. 

HA HA.  So funny I forgot to laugh.

Luckily for me, Blondie and her gentleman companion ended up getting into a brawl and were escorted out of the establishment.  I'm not really sure what happened to Licky McGee.  She was cutting a rug on the dance floor for a while and then all of a sudden she was gone. 

After the show, I found out from the lead singer that the women did indeed think I was somebody else, namely a girl, also brunette and dressed in black, who'd been putting her drinks on other people's tabs earlier that night.  He thought she may have been a hooker or something?

So apparently I looked like a prostitute.  (A prostitute wearing a dress from Ann Taylor Loft.  What the?)  But they really did want to clobber me!  It wasn't all a figment of my imagination!  What a relief.

The singer apologized and said his acquaintances (actually the wife of his boss and her friend) were ordinarily very nice people who'd simply had way too much to drink.  They'd attended the Yanks/Red Sox game at 4:00 and had spent the rest of the afternoon boozing it up while waiting for the show to begin.  I feel I should mention, the band didn't go on until midnight.  Hiccup.

It's quite possible that these folks are lovely, upstanding citizens, but let's face it, I'm just relieved they didn't bash my face in. 

I'm a writer, not a fighter!  xoxo

Comments

[Keely]

I'm mad I didn't go now. We could have taken them on together...with a good tongue lashing.

[the odd broad]

I thought of that afterwards! Although these broads definitely outsized us. I was afraid, I was very afraid. :)

[Sissy]

You should've popped a cap in her ass.

[Amy]

I would have cut her.

[the odd broad]

I wasn't packing any heat.

[Corey]

eewww ... I didn't know about the hand-licking part .... gross!

[the odd broad]

It was still totally worth it!!!! Great show Corey. You rock!!!!