I suppose it's inevitable that sometimes in life people are just going to make me mad. Boiling mad. So mad I could scream, or cry, or cut the offender's face out of group photos. (Don't get nervous for me, Dear Reader, this really doesn't occur all that often. And furthermore, sometimes it can be very fun to do creative things with those tiny faces after they've been removed.)
But I digress. What I'm getting at here is there are people I've been close to my entire life who lately feel like strangers. I've been telling myself I don't care, that I shouldn't care, but deep down I know that I do.
What irritates me the most is the constant biting of my tongue, the polite restraint, the respectful manner in which I'm expected to treat these people, even as they act irrational; even as they say mean things behind my back, or my loved one's backs, and sometimes even to our faces.
Seeing as The Odd Broad usually makes it a point to try and treat people with respect, I'm usually quite surprised when someone shows me an unkindness. Which leads me to yesterday. Since my grandmother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer back in December, the people in my extended family have been dealing with the news in various ways. Truth be told, I don't care for the way some of them are dealing. Yesterday when I tried to clear the air by lightheartedly (but directly) acknowledging the fact that my mother, sister and I were being treated by some people as if we weren't even in the room, I was pretty much kicked in the balls, figuratively speaking.
On the surface, I smiled and brushed it off. Inside, of course, I was enraged. But if people choose to behave in a delusional manner, why am I going to suffer over it? Why am I going to cry over it? Why am I going to feel wronged if they judge me, when I judge them right back?
Incidentally, yesterday my horoscope said the following:
Sagittarius: Personal growth is happening under the surface today and you can feel yourself stretching out in exciting new ways.
I don't really know about exciting, but I like the idea of looking at what happened on Saturday as an invitation for personal growth. And so, even though my ego has been bruised, and my feelings hurt, I'm willing to entertain the possibility of forgiveness for these dingleberries, even if only for my own self interest. You see, it pains me to be angry at these someone(s), and that's not doing me any good. (And it's driving my husband insane!)
I'm not going to get all spiritual on you, but I'd like to let you in on something personal. Marianne Williamson once recommended we say the following to people who have hurt us: "I forgive you (person's name), and I release you to the Holy Spirit." Now, this little phrase has been working for me for years. Even if I don't necessarily feel like forgiving the person in question, I find there's something quite powerful about uttering that sentence. It melts my heart, opens me up, allows me to remember the other asshole's person's humanity. The outer circumstances may or may not ever change, but internally, a real shift occurs. Even if I repeat, I forgive you, douchebag, and I release you to the Holy Spirit; just the simple fact that I'm saying it helps.
Is there anyone who has pissed you off, Dear Reader? Is there someone you need to forgive? In the middle of all this bullshit, I'm trying to keep my class and be more like my amazing mother, but it's not always easy. Spilling my guts on the world wide web seems to help, though. Thanks for listening. xoxo
PS: I suppose when it comes right down to it, I'd been looking for people to fantasize about while playing boxing on Wii Fit. Looks like my prayers have been answered. Sweet Hallelujah!
i friggin love this song
Posted by: thayhurst@lowell.k12.ma.us | April 06, 2009 at 10:37 AM
Calling them DOUCHE BAGS feels nice, even if you don't release them to the Lord after. Douche bags!!!
Posted by: Sissy | April 06, 2009 at 04:25 PM
I love it too! It's right up there with Paradise by the Dashboard Light and Nikki French!
Posted by: the odd broad | April 06, 2009 at 06:49 PM
Sister, it does feel nice. Douche bags!!!! It's a real stress reliever.
Posted by: the odd broad | April 06, 2009 at 06:50 PM
I thought it was "Douche bottle"? :)
Posted by: Amy | April 06, 2009 at 07:03 PM
Technically, yes. But in this case both terms are acceptable!
Posted by: the odd broad | April 06, 2009 at 08:59 PM
ok, nobody beats nikki french and i still think of you instantly when i hear bright eyes. god, we really need to get together to karaoke
Posted by: thayhurst@lowell.k12.ma.us | April 07, 2009 at 09:42 AM
calling someone a douche bottle doesn't sound very good...it loses something. Douche bag!!
Posted by: Sissy | April 07, 2009 at 12:10 PM
I think it all depends on the size of the bottle vs. the bag. The amount of douche is key. Maybe you should just eliminate the bag and bottle and just call everyone "Douches".
Posted by: Amy | April 07, 2009 at 01:02 PM
now you're on to something!
Posted by: Sissy | April 07, 2009 at 01:14 PM
I think you're on to something here as well. Douche sounds a lot harsher than douchebag. Douche it is!
Posted by: the odd broad | April 07, 2009 at 08:20 PM
PS: Tam, I think of you too when I hear bright eyes. And Meatloaf, of course! The fun we had driving around town in your blazer!
Posted by: the odd broad | April 07, 2009 at 08:21 PM
I have a feeling I'm not going to be welcome at any more family events! :)
Posted by: Amy | April 08, 2009 at 08:36 AM
Don't worry...I probably won't be either!
Posted by: the odd broad | April 08, 2009 at 08:12 PM
Don't worry Amy, you can come to our family events. We say Douche Bag all the time. I even bought my parents a notepad for Christmas that said "Dear Douchebag..." at the top. They loved it!
Posted by: Keely | April 09, 2009 at 02:09 PM
Yes, but your parents certainly aren't the douchebags in question!!
Posted by: the odd broad | April 10, 2009 at 09:06 PM