Hi, Clay

When I call loved ones from my cell phone more often than not they answer me thusly:

Hi, Clay.

No, I am not named Clay.  But the previous owner of my current cell number apparently was.  For whatever reason I haven't rectified this confusion with my cell phone provider, probably because most of the time I forget all about it until I call my sister or mother and they answer, in a low, droning tone:

Hi, Clay.

Sometimes Clay gets texts.  And sometimes I answer back.  This holiday season he received quite a few, actually, the most thoughtful being:

December 25, 2008 8:23:55 AM

Money Is Short.  Times Are Hard.  I Just Texted ur Ass ur Christmas Card.

Sincerely, ur broke ass friend, ME ;)

MERRY CHRISTMAS CLAY!

The odd choice in sporadic capitalization intrigued me.  I began to wonder, which texts warrant a reply, anyway?  Am I obligated to answer each and every one of Clay's friends, informing them he's changed his number? 

Hubby suggested I write:

Clay isn't here...because I killed him.  

or:

Stop harassing me, you asshole!

or:

Haven't I told you never to contact me again, psycho??!!!

But it was the holiday season and that might not be nice.  I attempted to form a reply that was polite, yet clear:

This isn't Clay.

No, that wouldn't do, they might think Clay was joking.  Kind of like the way my mother used to suddenly turn to me as a child, her eyes wide, an unpleasant smile creeping across her face, and say: "I'm not your mother..."

That still scares me.

But is Clay a jokester?

Hi, sorry, this isn't Clay.

Hmmm.  Could this texter be a past love interest?  Might they think Clay's new lover was simply answering his texts?  Does Clay get around? 

Hi, sorry this isn't Clay's phone.

Better.  Regretful and yet concise.  I mean, how close could they have been if Clay never bothered to give them his new contact information?  My guess is not very.

Do you ever receive random texts from total strangers, Dear Reader?  And if so, do you reply?

Comments

[stacey]

I received three consecutive texts from someone ranting about a horrible guy who had double-crossed him in some sort of drug-related situation. Apparently... what I learned from the text.... "Ryan" had left his pot at said texter's house and texter's mom found it... and you can guess the sad events to follow for poor innocent texter. The next two texts discussed possible options to get back at this nasty Ryan. One involved telling the girl that he liked that he had a STD, in another he suggested that they call Ryan's poor mom at work to discuss his drug problem. They were all pretty fantastic and terrible.

My response: I'm definitely not your intended recipient... but if I may be so bold... 1. I'd go with the STD story and 2. I hope you learned your lesson. Just say no... to both Ryan and drugs.

It was the most fun I had that whole day.