Turkey Balls

Last month Hubby brought home frozen meatballs from Trader Joe's.  When I peered into the freezer to see what he'd gotten, I immediately inquired, "What made you buy frozen turkey meatballs?"  (We'd already had one rather unpleasant incident involving turkey chili, so I was curious as to what his motivation had been.  An impulse buy, perhaps?)

Turns out he thought they were beef.  Fair play. 

In theory, I really would love to substitute lean turkey meat in my burgers, chili, meatloaf, stuffed peppers...but it's simply not for me.

Eventually we did try the meatballs.  We put them in the crock pot, covered them with sauce and within minutes the apartment smelled like an Italian feast.  I wondered if I hadn't jumped to conclusions about ground turkey after all.  I mean, they certainly smelled tasty enough! 

In hindsight, the fact that my mother had sent us home with her delicious homemade meatballs the day before may have been setting the turkey balls up for failure.  After all, how could they possibly compete?  But alas, there were only four of Ma's meatballs left, so turkey would have to do. 

I took one bite and had to spit it into the garbage, Gordon Ramsey style.  "Arrggg!  Sick!"  From the look on Hubby's face I gathered I was being overly dramatic.  He was getting annoyed: "If you don't stop making that face and those sounds, how am I supposed to eat it?  That's not helping."

So it appeared we were bickering over the turkey balls.  It's just, their flavor was so very disappointing that it had actually made us grumpy.  Hubby tried his best; he doused them with sauce, grated over a generous amount of fresh parmesan, but all to no avail.  In the spirit of marital goodwill, I offered him the last four of Ma's meatballs.  By that time I'd already gone off meat and had decided to make some toast with peanut butter and call it an evening.

I still don't like to think abut them, those turkey balls.  Call me quaint, but I just don't enjoy unexpected culinary twists and turns.  If a food appears to look a certain way and smell a certain way, I do expect it to taste the way it looks.  If it looks like beef, let it taste like beef, for frigg's sake!!  (Don't even get me started on tofu.  Soy-sage links my ass.)

But the turkey saga doesn't end there.  The next day I ordered food for a large work meeting and was told I'd receive a free lunch myself.  I didn't specify my choice, opting instead to be "surprised," which, in my opinion, is the surest path to disappointment.

I opened the bag and found an inspired pasta salad, a brownie, chips and what appeared to be a chicken salad wrap.  Oooh!  Only, it didn't taste very much like chicken.  Come to think of it, it didn't taste like chicken at all!  Upon further inspection I discovered, to my dismay, what the taste in my mouth actually was...

Turkey.  It was turkey.  Big, meaty chunks of mayonnaise covered turkey.  A smoked turkey salad sandwich.  What are the odds?  I gave the sandwich away.  I could retch just thinking about it.

PS: I know I sound like a wasteful, nasty bastard; but I'm not really all that bad.  Tomorrow I'm volunteering at a food bank which will hopefully make up for my spitting out the turkey balls. 

Comments

[Sissy]

Is your volunteerism court ordered?

[Weinerdog]

Call me crazy, but I love turkey!!!
I made a Meatloaf last night (yes I cooked)and I couldn't help but think how I liked it better w/ turkey......weird.

Chicken on the other hand?
Don't get me started on chicken!
Let's just say not everyone eats chicken okay.

[Sissy]

Chicken should never be ground up and made into balls.

[Keely]

I've had the turkey meatballs from Trader Joes, and God knows I don't eat anything healthy, and they weren't that bad Odd Broad. I think you need to give them another try on a week free of real meatballs.

[Kathleen]

Odd Broad, I am a bit offended by your turkey ball comments! I purchase turkey products all the time for my loving boyfriend. He regularly enjoys turkey meatballs, turkey burgers, turkey tacos, turkey chili, and turkey stuffed peppers. He is also a fan of the Trader Joe's brand you speak of (although prefers the ones at Whole Foods). I, on the other hand, do enjoy the occasional soy-sage among other "fake" meats. I could retch just thinking about the fact that you eat cows! While I disagree with your comments today, I am still one of your biggest fans! :-)

xoxo

P.S. What do you plan to eat on Thanksgiving? A nice beef brisket, perhaps?

[Kathleen]

One more comment...why would you make turkey meatballs just a day after your mother gave you her homemade meatballs? Sounds like somebody has a bit of an obsession with balls if you ask me...

[The Odd Broad]

I want to like turkey as a substitute for beef...truly, I do! In theory. But sadly it's just not for me. It's not lack of trying, however.

We made the turkey balls because there was nothing else to eat in the house...and I thought perhaps they could mix with the beef balls and we'd never be the wiser. (See? I was hopeful!)

Also, yes, it does tickle my funny bone to keep repeating the phrase 'turkey balls'. What can I say? In my heart, I am twelve.

XOXO

[Amy]

I like balls.

[Sissy]

You've really stirred things up and created controversy. Who knew it would be over turkey balls?

[Amy]

I think people just enjoy talking about balls. It's very naughty.

[The Odd Broad]

Today on Iron Chef they were plucking birds. Looks like it's PB & J for me this Thanksgiving!