Waiting

My eyes have been feeling funny lately.  The only way I can put it into words is to say I feel like they're wearing cable knit sweaters.  (Indeed, the nurse wrote this on my chart when I told her.  I guess she enjoyed my opthalmologic analogy.)

Later, the doctor peered at my chart, trying to decipher the nurse's handwriting.  "Feels like wearing a sweater?"  Oh dear.

I had left work at 12:45 on Wednesday for this last minute appointment, assuming I'd be in and out.  How foolish I was.  In truth, I was held captive for more than three hours.  Each time I thought I was about to be released, another drop was squeezed into my eye, another photo was taken, another test was performed.  I had been hijacked, it seemed.

I hadn't even realized they'd dilated my pupils until the print in Vanity Fair became too blurry to read. 

The other strange part about my visit were my fellow patients.  They weren't just elderly, you see, they were ancient.  There's a good chance I was the only person there under the age of ninety. 

I love to see happy old couples together.  I find it very romantic.  An older woman with a pretty face sat down next to me in the waiting area.  When someone came by and asked if she'd like to hang up her coat, she refused.  "My husband will hang it for me." 

Later, an even older woman approached the couple, asking about their last name.  This got them to talking.  "I'm ninety one!"  The newcomer exclaimed.  "You don't look it!" the couple replied.  "That's because I'm Hungarian!"  It turns out all three of them were Hungarian.

I didn't even try to pretend I wasn't eavesdropping.  I was fascinated.

I kept glancing at a woman, probably in her late seventies, wearing tall boots with stretchie pants tucked in and a wide belt.  It made me wonder how I'll dress at that age.  Will I be hip?  I hope I'm hip.

I listened as an elderly man talked loudly on a cell phone.  Something about his son being in the car and they needed...I never really found out what it was he needed since my name was finally called.

As I sat patiently in one of the myriad of rooms I would be taken to that afternoon, I overheard a woman speaking to the doctor.  "They took a toe last week!"  she said in a too cheery voice.  (I say too cheery because it turns out the toe that was taken was hers.)  I caught a glimpse of her as she walked down the hallway.  She was blind, using a cane.  "Just point me in the right direction!" she smiled.

Was I in the Twilight Zone? 

I saw elderly people who had younger people in tow, whom they called their "assistants."  I saw elderly people who were towing even older people.  I started to feel strange, woozy.  I suppose I hadn't really had time to finish my lunch that afternoon.  I became antsy, sitting there in that silent, too clean room, surrounded by framed paintings by a child named Alexandra.  (A bowl of fruit, the solar system, flowers, Alexandra's subjects really ran the gamut, it seemed.)

I started to reflect.  I mean, here I was, with nothing more than a contact lens infection.  Granted, I'd been waiting an exorbitant amount of time, my eyes were wearing sweaters and I had an ugly new haircut.  I'd also have to add to this unfortunate look by wearing my glasses for the next week.  But at least I had all of my toes. 

I didn't get back to work until after four.  I'd been missing in action for over three hours, I could barely see, and my pupils were frighteningly large.  My boss suggested I go home, but I decided to stick it out. 

It wasn't until that evening, in the comfort of my cozy living room, that I wondered if all of those tests, pictures and drops were covered by my insurance.  You see, in the foggy haze that was my three hour visit, it hadn't dawned on me to ask.  I also failed to ask if I was contagious.  Woopsie.

XOXO

Comments

[Weinerdog]

I had a physical yesterday and for some reason everyone in my waiting room was elderly too!

Weird.

[Keely]

Odd Broad, you have to take good care of your eyes, you only have one pair! Do you sleep in your contacts?

[The Odd Broad]

No, I never do!! For reals. They said it's the brand I use. I'm going to switch. xoxo