My crafty little crack

I'm laying on my couch right now, writing to you from my new laptop.  That's right, The Odd Broad is mobile now, thanks to my wonderful husband!  My laptop is compact and lovely and I teared up when I unwrapped her.  I've named her Ole' Bessie. 

But I digress.  What I wanted to tell you was that directly above me on the wall, just over the molding, there lives a crack.  This isn't just any crack, however...this is a magic crack.  You see, from a certain angle it looks exactly like a cockroach.  And the damn thing fools me every time.

Take for example last month, when my parents came to town to see Hubby's band play.  I was sitting on the couch with my mom when all of a sudden my heart did a sick little flip flop.  Oh dear Lord, there was a cockroach on the wall.  Shit!  What are the odds?  No mother wants to spot a roach while visiting her child!

Gingerly, I got up and went into the kitchen to grab a paper towel.  My time as an urban apartment dweller has made me disturbingly proficient at murdering insects.  Of course, I still call hubby to do it from time to time if the bug in question is especially noteworthy.  (If it's smoking, or dancing the cha-cha, for instance.)

Funny thing was, when I got back to the living room the bug had vanished!  Crap.  Had it scurried down the wall, perhaps?

I sat back down, glancing ever so casually up at the wall.  What the?!  There it was again!  Hey, how did that happen?

Oh yeah.  I'd forgotten.  It was the magic crack.  I breathed a deep sigh of relief.

Sadly, the crafty little crack continues to outwit us.  Sometimes I imagine I hear it laughing mirthfully to itself: Oh ho, got 'em again...score one for the crack...

I think it's definitely time to get that wall repainted.  Too bad it was just painted back in May...

xoxo

Comments

[Wendy]

I do the same thing! My apartment has a gas heater with a floor register, so there are always little dust bunnies blowing up from underneath the house. (I vacuum constantly.) Every time I see a ball of gray dust on the dark wood floors, I think it's a cricket. Sadly, sometimes it actually is a cricket. Yuck.

[Sissy]

What are you sniffing? That does not look like a cockroach!! Maybe a centepede or a silverfish, but not a roach. But it does look like a disgusting bug if you look at it quickly.

[The Odd Broad]

~Hi Wendy! At first I thought you were going to say mouse! Crickets can be very creepy, though, I agree. (Especially when they make that chirping noise.) I'm glad I'm not the only one! :)

~Sister, I never said waterbug, (which I assume must be what you're thinking of), I specifically said cockroach! And roaches can most certainly have spindly antenae and legs! Like my crack. So there, acid tongue.

[Weinerdog]

I have to say I'm w/ La La on this one.

It def looks like a silverfish.

Have you experienced a real cockroach?
They are fat, roundish, and a charming shade of burgundy.

[The Odd Broad]

Well, you kind of have to see it in person. (It was hard to capture the likeness on camera.) In real life, from the corner of my eye, it definitely looks like something in the roach family. Something yucky. But alas, it's just a crack.

A creepy crawly crack...

[Amy]

I'm here to defend the cockroach theory. While I have been known to wonder if you are sniffing anything from time to time, I do agree that it could be a cockroach. After living above a chinese restaurant, I've seen roaches of every shape and size. I often mistake lint, ants and spiders for cockroaches. I'd throw a little spackle over that crack if I were you.

[The Odd Broad]

Aha!! I knew I could count on you, my friend. I was hoping you'd lend your opinion on this matter, since I remember you're an expert in this area. (Mr. Chang's) I also recall you once told me the smaller ones were the worst for some reason. (I can't remember why.) So even though the waterbugs look the grossest, they are less harmless than those skinny or tiny ones. (Every time I kill a tiny one I think- oooh, this is bad, it's SMALL.) Didn't an exterminator tell you that? Is that true or am I crazy? Wait, don't answer that...

:)

[Weinerdog]

I beg you BOTH to google cockroach.........you'll see they are not skinny.

I stand by my analysis.

PS. definatley paint that, don't stand on a stool and try to peel it otherwise you could end up w/ a head full of plaster............not that I'd know or anything.

[Amy]

The small ones are the worst because they travel in packs and they get into everything. They're antennae(s) are what make them look long and skinny. They stick out over an inch past their bodies and then they sometimes have a tail...uck! I used to see their legs and antennae sticking out of the holes in the molding and cabinets...thinking about it is giving me the hibby jibbies! I will tackle the next person who claims I don't know what a cockroach looks like.

[The Odd Broad]

For reals, you are an expert.

Last night as I was laying on the couch, it almost fooled me again! And then I just laid there staring at the crack, analyzing the crack. In real life it actually does look like a bug.

xoxo

[Weinerdog]

Whatever..........