Disturbing things

When my lunch hour finally arrives, I try to get outdoors and walk for at least 30 minutes.  Even when it's freezing, or raining, I need my daily escape from the world of the working.  I think it's the Sagittarius in me.

While on my travels I regularly encounter a wealth of oddities that never fail to delight and amuse me.  I thought I might share with you a few disturbing yet diverting things I encountered while on my lunchtime walks this week.

For starters, the question I pose to you is this:  Which is more vexing, the knowledge that the Olsen twins created a hair care line, or the fact that I actually purchased said products?  I'm sure both are equally upsetting, but in my defense, Rite Aid is having an "Everything Must Go!" sale and I was unable to resist, for sheer novelty's sake.

You see, Dear Reader, I longed to be able to share with you the image of these noteworthy products:

I have to hand it to them, the twins have created a lovely formula.  The scent is a heavenly coconut and my hair feels soft and hydrated.  Do you think the girls send free samples to D.J. and Uncle Jesse? 

While wandering around during yesterday's break, I stumbled across some other fine gems which inspired me to perform a risky experiment, in the name of blogging:

     

I mean, who really needs to ingest actual popcorn when you can just smear it all over your lips?  This popcorn flavored lip balm smells like maple syrup and tastes of plastic yuckiness.  (Very descriptive, huh?)  If pressed to go into further detail, I'd have to say it tastes the way one of those cheap, generic Barbie dolls smell.  You know, the kind hanging on the back wall of the toy section that don't bend at the knee... 

For my next trick, I will dazzle you with something even more astounding:

Ta da! 

   

Hostess Sno Balls lip balm!  These trying times demand for a product like this, do they not?  The question is not why a Sno Balls lip balm, but rather, why not?  The children of the world not only need but deserve a cherished high-calorie snack treat in lip balm form, wouldn't you agree?

I feel like if I was a child and brought this product home to my Mother she would think it was "dirty."  Even now, as I type the words "Sno Balls lip balm," I feel like I need to gargle with some Listerine.

But what are my thoughts after applying this lip balm?  Sno balls balm smells like a chocolate scratch and sniff sticker and, not surprisingly, causes my lips to taste the way a plastic generic non-bending Barbie doll smells.  (Do I detect a trend in lip balmy taste here?  Just to be safe, I will hereafter refer to these non-bending dolls as P.G.N.B.B.'s)

Sno Balls comes with a warning directly on the tube: *Not to be eaten* Discontinue use and consult your physician if: Rash, redness or irritation develops.  I see the Sno Balls team has really covered all of their bases, and rightly so, rightly so.

Last but certainly not least, and just in time for the Easter season...

(drum roll please...)

   

Peeps!  Yes, now the revolting Easter candy also comes in lip balm form! 

I'm not sure I can convey to you how disturbed I was when I stumbled upon this product.  Try as I might to enjoy this particular candy, I have a deep seated aversion to it.  In my opinion, Peeps are up there with black jelly beans in the "give away" Easter candy category.  Incidentally, my Dad is the only person I know who loves black jelly beans and my friend Amy is the only person I've ever met who loves Peeps.  Perhaps I've lived a sheltered life, I'm not sure. 

What is my opinion of Peeps in lip balm form?  I will say only this:  My mouth feels violated.  So does my camera, for that matter.

OK, on trying it a second time I actually think the lip balm tastes better than actual Peeps candy.  It smells not so much like a P.G.N.B.B., but more like the frosting on a sticky bun.   

So there you have it: A Holy Trinity of sickening lip care products.  Please don't try this at home, folks, I already did, and now I feel more than a little nauseas.  And my husband is refusing to kiss me goodnight.  See how I sacrifice for you? 

I'm pretty sure I'll be consulting my physician sometime soon.

Happy Friday! 

~The O.B.

* * * * * 

P.S.

Friday evening, 10pm:

At the urging of my friend Wendy, I have embarked upon one last quest...to try her beloved Dr. Pepper in lip balm form.  In the name of friendship, I have complied.

My finding?  Although this lip balm comes in an adorable miniature can form, it smells of a public restroom (and at the same time, Tums Antacid) and gives off a metallic, almost burning sensation when my tongue touches my lips.  Actually, after licking my lips I am forced to spit out rather than swallow what I have just tasted.  I think that really says it all.  Cute packaging, though. 

     

Note how under the Ingredients it says it "may contain" things like Red 27 Lake, Yellow 6 Lake...isn't there a way we could pinpoint what this monstrous product actually contains?

OK, my lips are burning and I'm starting to feel carsick.  It's time for me to lie down. 

Have a good weekend, everyone! 

Comments

[Wendy]

I don't suppose you'd be willing to purchase the Dr. Pepper lip balm and let me know how that tastes? No?

[Kathleen]

I love black jelly beans AND peeps!! Though I will admit I can only handle eating one peep...more than one and my head starts to spin.

[The Odd Broad]

For real? Black jelly beans as well as Peeps? I keep trying to like these candies but so far I haven't acquired a taste for them. But that could change, I just started liking mushrooms after years of trying. Now I am crazy for mushrooms...stuffed, sauteed, even raw!

Wendy, today I made a trip to Claire's...the Dr. Pepper lip balm has been purchased. I will report back to you soon with my results...

:)

[WeinerDog]

Unfortunatley for me I'm sure to find not only peeps in my Easter basket but the Peep Lip Balm as well!
This is the type of product my mother loves to buy because...
"it's cute & Daddy said you liked peeps!"

[Keely]

I am a Peep fanatic. You should try a chocolate covered Peep...they're delicious.